Over Thinking

Obsessive Thinking about a Person

When over thinking almost destroys you

Two main situations that often lead us to dwell constantly and involuntarily on a person – or because we are terribly angry – or because we think of a person with deep sadness (pain).

Anger and sadness are two fundamental emotions (other being fear, joy, disgust). They are part of our basic baggage of reactions to the world. They shake us deeply because they have uncontrollable emotional roots.

Anger and sadness are antithetical, yet they have something in common.

One is the mental space that we can fill in certain moments of our lives when we cannot decide. We can be tremendously angry with someone yet terribly sad for him/her – or worse – both feelings together.

For example, if our boyfriend or girlfriend has left us and we are staying indoors for days, weeks and perhaps months – to cry – we listen only to sentimental music and avoid the places where we went together –  all we do is think of all  ‘that was beautiful together’ : we’re a victims of sadness that can also we called pain.

If we hear his/her name or find something that reminds us of him/her, we may rage and curse perhaps throwing and smashing objects – we think of revenge and would like to see him/her suffer: we’re a victims of anger.

One thing which is true either way: it’s hard to get it out of one’s head.

Time helps, but often it’s only a poorly healed wound, one which often bleeds at the first challenge.

What can do to begin again to live? To go ahead and give meaning to our lives….?

Return to living without that oppressive thought brings about freedom. But this can happen only it’s planned. You’ve read it right!

Serenity, as well as happiness can be achieved through planning.

Where do we start? From the only thing we have. Ourselves.

But how is it done?  Pull out what we feel and try to write down everything we want to say to our ex. If writing is not your thing, then speak. Find someone who will listen. If this is not for us and we are used to keeping things inside, then we have to think of one first step.

We must bring about a change, however small – in positive way. Make a first step in the direction of ourself. We must think again about ourselves.

Because we have made a mistake. We have put our happiness in the hands of another person.

We need to learn how to prevent the behaviour of someone controlling our happiness. It should not depend on what others do around us. Happiness is cultivated inside us and is a way of being in the world, no matter what else is happening.

In a couple relationship everything that happens and every aspect of the other who doesn’t go, reflects one side of us in shadow, which we do not see.

Focussing on this, reason about them, try to write it or rather speak with someone. Because when emotions are strong (when we love or when we suffer for the lack of this) we are likely to be stuck in ecstasy or agony (a kind of hell).