Art.12

As a psychosexual therapist, I have the privilege of supporting women with endometriosis, whether they are in the early stages of the long and often challenging diagnostic process or navigating the frustration and shame that can impact their sense of self-worth and intimate relationships.

A key aspect of understanding and addressing these challenges lies within our Inner Child.

The Inner Child Model, developed as well by Dr. Eddie Capparucci (LPC, C-CSAS), was designed to explore the path to recovery from sex addiction by examining childhood experiences through three key factors: unresolved childhood pain points, inability to sit with and process emotional discomfort, and emotional underdevelopment.

This model is a powerful therapeutic approach that helps individuals understand the underlying reasons for engaging in addictive behaviours. 

Similarly, it can be used to explore how reconnecting with our inner child can foster joy and emotional healing.

For women with endometriosis, penetrative sex can often be painful or impossible. However, by embracing the power of the inner child and its innate desire for joy, they may feel more open to exploring alternative forms of intimacy and pleasure. The child state of the ego, as described in transactional analysis (TA) by Eric Berne, plays a significant role in shaping desires, motivations, and behaviours—including those related to Kink and BDSM.

According to TA, individuals operate from three primary ego states:

parent (rules, authority, discipline, care),

adult (rational, logical, objective), and

child (emotions, creativity, spontaneity, pleasure-seeking).

The child ego state is further divided into the natural (free) child—playful, impulsive, curious, and pleasure-driven—and the adapted child—either compliant (seeks approval) or rebellious (resists authority).

Child Ego State Influences Kink & BDSM in the following way: 

Desire for Playfulness & Exploration: The natural child thrives on novelty, fantasy, and creative expression. Many BDSM and kink experiences involve role-play, imagination, and playfulness, mirroring the curiosity and joy of childhood. 

In more detail:

– Seeking Freedom & Rebellion: The Rebellious Child may be drawn to BDSM as a way to defy societal norms, taboos, or strict upbringing. Submissive or dominant roles can provide a controlled space for acting out defiance or control dynamics.

– Yearning for Structure & Nurturing: The Adapted (Compliant) Child might find comfort in submission or power exchange, seeking validation, guidance, or protection from a dominant figure, mimicking parental authority dynamics.

– Conversely, dominants may express their nurturing parent ego state by setting rules and providing care to submissive partners.

– Regression & Emotional Release: Certain kink practices allow individuals to safely regress into a more primal, uninhibited state (e.g., pet play, age play, or masochism as a form of catharsis).

– Pursuit of Intensity & Sensation: The Child ego state enjoys strong sensory experiences, which BDSM often provides through pain, restraint, sensory deprivation, or heightened pleasure.

The arousal process is built upon three fundamental pillars: the body, the brain, and emotions. When these three elements align in the pursuit of joy, they can foster creativity and exploration through the senses, enhancing intimacy in new and fulfilling ways. 

The Child ego state fuels the curiosity, emotional depth, and sensation-seeking behaviour that drive many people toward BDSM and kink exploration. Whether through playfulness, rebellion, submission, or sensory enjoyment, these experiences can offer a safe space when the body feels that it has to be protected, and in endometriosis, it needs, and rules have to be made; it becomes easy to express deep-seated psychological needs in a consensual, structured environment.